Oh dear…

Right, right.. I’ve seen some utter shite in my time but ‘Dragon Wars‘ takes the cake for possibly the worst movie choice made in a very, very long time. The blurb on the back of the case states in no uncertain terms that if I liked Cloverfield and Godzilla then I would love Dragon Wars. I should have known better. Cloverfield was a horrible movie essentially Blair Witch Project (which I enjoyed) with a big budget and with Godzilla I kept expecting Mr Rooney to appear… oh well lesson learned.

Dragon Wars premise is an ancient Korean legend involving you guessed it dragons. It seems every 500 years that a girl is born bearing a dragon tattoo and it is this girl’s destiny to sacrifice herself on her 20th birthday so that a dragon can ascend to heaven. Sucks to be her right? Of course we couldn’t have a decent legend without a villain who wants the girl for themselves… enter the evil dragon (whose name escapes me.. I’ll call him Bob) who wants to rule the heavens and plunge the universe into darkness.. blah, blah, blah.

By way of a very brief explanation the previous piece of dragon bait fell in love with her guardian and failed to sacrifice herself to the ascending dragon. The way that she refused was by essentially being thrown off a cliff by her guardian after being chased by Bob and his minions to the top of said cliff. Correct me if I am wrong here but being killed by your guardian kind of goes against the entire point of protection, I suppose he was saving the world.. but geez let her choose for herself and more importantly put up a fight against Bob. He had two options.. fight Bob and let the girl get away, or throw her off a cliff, I guess that situation wasn’t covered in How to be a Guardian 101. Perhaps he was sick that day. So we are finally in our present day setting and away from ancient Korea (which looks a lot like Japan mind you) and are now running about modern day Los Angeles.

A new girl with a shitty destiny has been born and fast approaching her 20th birthday given the actress it’s kind of a stretch to believe that she is meant to be 19 but I’ll let that slide with so many other things to pick fault about. So we have a new sacrifice it’s time to meet a new guardian. Supposedly he is the same guardian who killed the last sacrifice and we find out through his mentor Jack that he and his ward are in actuality ‘Star crossed lovers’. I’m sorry only Shakespeare may use that phrase not some dodgy movie. You know it would seem to me that legends are a bit dumb.. why reincarnate the same guy who killed the sacrifice in the first place?

I’m sorry (glad?) to say that I gave up on this movie. What I did manage to see was essentially Bob going on a rampage through Los Angeles, numerous plot holes and bad continuity. I have no idea if the world was saved but I kind of hope that Bob won.

If you are after a decent Korean monster movie I can highly recommend The Host it is a hell of a lot better than this piece of shite I tried to watch.